10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”
The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel is our fortress.

Had a great weekend, On Friday Messes played a benefit show for the organization Acres of Love. It went great, it was a much more comfortable show than i am used to playing. Before the show we decided it would be fun to wrap our amps in christmas lights. The result was perfect.

Show Friday at San Clemente Presbyterian Church! 10 bucks a ticket, all proceeds go to Acres Of Love.

December 20th 2008.

Sleeping Giant at the glasshouse..I can't wait!

Yeah, there is a bunch of horrible metal bands also playing.

Yeah, Winds of Plague is headlining, which means i would ultimately be giving my money to them, which i don't want to do.

But none of this matters, I get to worship with Sleeping Giant once again.

They are such inspirations to be living for Christ, playing metal worship music, having altar calls, offering prayer freely, all while opening for a band that sells pentagram shirts, and have tattoos that say "God Free."

Your bravery is admirable, Truly being disciples in this day and age.

Buckethead in two days

I get to see Buckethead again, in two days. This will be my second time seeing him, last time absolutely blew me away with how he can create such good melody's and emotion, with just his guitar. I hope to get one of the toys he hands out this time, last time i missed out. I am excited!

One missed step can make you stumble,
you set yourself up for a fall,
you punish yourself for each failure,
dogma beat out alcohol
when all of your principles were fashioned.
you thought your new rules made you new
but maybe those X's on your hands are whats killing you.

I feel like crap/ amazing night/amazing night coming up.

Rundown of yesterday/night:
Messes played at my church, people were talking most of the time but i felt we played really well.
Stayed for the overnighter, halfway through my throat went raw, it hurt to talk and i spent the rest of the night trying to find a place where i dont have to talk to people, because it hurt. I never found it.
came home at 6, fell asleep woke up at 10, feeling absolutely horrible.
Called in sick for the first time ever. I feel bad, but i should not be near food at all right now.
Now im here...Tom is coming over soon, we are dropping a bunch of the gear off at joshs'.
Then its Underoath time. I am really excited for that..the more i listen to their new cd, the more it becomes one of my favorite cd's.

They have yet to let me down.

Hi, I am the new Emery EP, and I am perfect.

"There's a verse that says, "all good and perfect gifts come from above," so when people say if something our band has done to inspire them or something, I have personally said to encourage them, I always think, if there's anything good in all of this, it comes from God, so why don't you just thank God? Why don't you praise God? You can do that in your room by yourself, you don't need to come tell me, "oh, God has done this through you," or even crazier, "you have done this, you have helped me to find this sort of thing in my faith." I just say, "look, I don't know you. You don't know me. You don't know the rotten things I do. You don't know the rotten things in my heart." And they say, "oh yeah, I know but still." I just try to encourage people to thank God for anything good and realize that there are things that I'm saying that are untrue, and that are misguiding, and that are misleading to people. That's my contribution to all this."

Depressed.

Music isn't about talent anymore.
Music isn't about expressing your feelings.
Music isn't about passion.


These days, music is whoever can write the most vulgar lyric to a catchy synth beat.
These days, music is who has the best hair.
These days, music is about who can play the "heaviest" one chord over and over again so kids who spend more time getting ready then their moms on church day, can flail their arms around. ( "Am i cool yet?")

I watched a band last night have a huge crowd response and have people going absolutely crazy. The thing is, the singer was using auto tune on his voice, so he could have had a horrible voice but it didnt matter. The kids went crazy over their "original breakdowns" which, are simply breakdowns stolen from the thousand of bands before them.

Then i watched one of my favorite bands play their original music, go out of their way to give the audience an original show, pour their heart out on stage, only to getting cussed at every time there was a pause.

I am so tired of this music "scene." Remember when musicians were big because they could write a good song, a song that hits a certain chord with you, whether it be helping you worship, or making you feel good in a sad time, or simply reminding you to live?

Not anymore, now its about who can copy the last person the best, and outdo them. Then they will be successful.

And it's not just the "metal" scene i am talking about. The number one way rappers make money these days is through RINGTONE SALES.

Does anyone else see a problem with that?!

In the 80's NWA rapped about their problems in life, and gave honest good songs that helped other people through whatever they were going through. And they had many number one cds, and lasted.

Do you even remember who "rapped" that catchy song from last year?

I fear that it will only get worse. When i see things like the above video, i feel like i shouldn't even bother trying to put better music in this world. I feel like whatever i do won't be worth it. Thank God for bands like Showbread who encourage me and help me keep going.

Though i dont support Marilyn Manson in any way, he said something recently that i agree with. he said "I dont think that the music world is worth me putting anything in at this moment."

Agreed.

It might seem like i need to "lighten up" about this whole issue, but since i was 6 i have prayed about and felt that it was my calling in this world to be a musician. Now that my time to finally start fulfill ingthat dream is here, I am utterly depressed with the bands that make up the music scene now.

Great bands such as Five Iron Frenzy, Life in Your Way and Sullivan have broken up because of money problems, because they didnt dress a certain way, or conform their music, they weren't "cool"

Five Iron and Life in Your way have spoken better words into my life and giving me better worship than i have felt in a long long time.

Its just sad thats all.

Thats all i have for now.

Exactly.

"Today, I see street corner preachers screaming at passers-by,
while the amount of Neo-Nazi Hate crimes are escalating every day.
All of this under a blanket name of Christianity.
Read Your Bible.
Jesus never beat people or insulted them into believing in him.
He spoke the truth
And set an example by loving every man."

Happy birthday Josh

Tonight was great..it was Josh Augerson's 21st birthday! His family, Chelsea and I went to this fancy fondue restaurant in San Clemente..I dont know if i have ever eaten that much in my life..His dad decided that they didn't want any left overs and we had to eat it all..Josh and I did most of the work. Josh ordered no alcohol tonight, which was refreshing, his sister kept wanting him to get some, but we all know that was so she could steal it and drink it. It was refreshing to be with a family that could be so open about their views with each other..their family has a weird (but not bad!) relationship. Its more of a friendship. They let the kids do what they want, and as a way of keeping them in line they have more debates than arguments or punishments. I kind of like that.


Well anyways, Happy birthday Josh, You are a very old man now.

You have turned into an epic fool.

"Throw up until you can not drink, That's can't be the missing link."

...

I have been a jerk lately and I'm sorry, you don't deserve that. I don't know whats been wrong with me, i won't give you any excuses, i know you wouldn't want to hear them anyways. I just hope that you won't hold anything against me and show forgiveness. I have been feeling stressed lately as to what to do in life, which gives me feelings of great loneliness. But i shouldn't take that out on you, you have been faithfully by my side for these past years. Thank you for that, i have no idea what these years would have been like without you. I hope that you can forgive me, and with the Lords' help I am going to try and be a better man. Sorry for being such a mess lately.

Come, Alone to the alone!

"The simplicity of the Gospel hit me, "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself." And i can do this anywhere, Paul could do it on a deserted island and a jail cell and still praise God. If anything there is some conviction that things are just too easy you know? I have to wonder why aren't we being persecuted, why are we being applauded and not being fed to the lions? "

Who are we to complain about every little thing? We live much much much more comfortable than Jesus ever did, and yet we fight against him, and don't trust him.

"He made the world a grassy road before our bare, wandering feet,
And crushed the stones into the softest sand between our toes,
But we're wondering where to sleep?"

Sometimes my depression in myself gets to me so much, then I hear something like that and get mad at myself for complaining about my loneliness. My head argues with itself so much, thats why i get quiet, i have arguments inside my head about my worth. Sometimes it is just so hard to feel His comfort in this comfortable lifestyle we have where everything else gets in the way.

Great night last night, I love my friends.

"Your singing is so bad, that you make Christian people ashamed that you are a Christian, and Chris happy that he is half black."

"I think about zombies, and my dream house. But mostly zombies."

"He is the kind of person that likes to put earplugs in, tape his eyes shut, and pretend he is Hellen Keller."


I love these men, so much.

I am going to punch you in the throat.

Today was a good day..great work shift, worked with Christina and Trevor, so it was laid back and not so stressful...then I laid around till 5, tried to get sleep (that didn't work) then went to band practice...we are recording a song tomorrow so we had to run through that song, make sure we had it. After practice, Josh's greaser neighbor came over to use this super hose/pressure washer thing on his car..after making him promise that he would only use the hose on his car, we closed the garage because Josh wanted to play drums...after getting jealous that Josh is good at everything he touches, Josh opens the garage door, to see Kyle giggling like a little girl as he is drenching Chelsea's car with the hose. Josh yelled at him, which resulted in Josh getting sprayed. We gave up and went inside to watch a movie, which kept getting interuppted by Buster trying to hump the couch pillow, very loudly. So yeah, that was my day, i wrote this because SOMEONE keeps complaining that I don't write anything original..: ) so thats my day, boring right? I want to sleep : ) mmmmm.

The best.

Will always be my source for musical inspiration, one of my favorite people, inspiration for being a better man, my role model.

Maybe i try too hard to care.

Honestly I'm taking big strides in a race towards normalcy,
where more is more, and less is weak,
where love is crap, emotion speaks for us all

I can survive alone again, figured that out the hardest way. The forecast calls for fire,
Flames sound nice today

"What will you do when there's no one to fall back on?
I won't be there.
I've learned my lesson .
What will you do when there's no friends to fall back on?
Because they've all been stepped on?"

Bridge St.

Played an acoustic show with Messes last night at this cozy church called Bridge Street. It was intimate, only like 20 people showed up, but i kind of liked it that way. In between songs it was a joke fest between the three of us, Josh's mom kept making fun of us : ). But we played really good actually, we came up with a new intro about 2 hours before and nailed it live : ) It was a really fun show, the venue recorded it, but since it was their first time having drums in the place, they didn't really know how to capture the drums, so the recording is mostly josh and his guitar, no bass or drums. I don't know if I am going to post some of the songs on Messes myspace yet, or not, Tom's thinks i shouldn't but i think there might be one or two songs on there are good enough. I hope this doesnt sound like I'm bagging on Bridge Street, those are some of the nicest people i have ever met and have helped Messes soo much by offering free shows to introduce our music to new people. So all in all great night!

Dec 3 2008.

2011 West North Ave, Chicago, Illinois 60647.

Sleep isn't happening tonight.

Tonight was 80's night at my youth group. It was actually alot better than i thought it was going to be, heather and i had the best costumes and worship was really good. But now I can't sleep, this happens waaay too often.

It's the whole damn world turned upside down.

"Just know this, God is faithful, even if you don't have faith yourself."

I don't know if I'm good, and everyone knows it

Don't go, tonight I'm looking for salt in a snow globe.

One of my favorite christian metal bands, MyChildren MyBride recently let their guitarist, Kyle, go because he is an athiest and they have decided they feel it is God's calling on their life to no longer be christians in a band, but a full fledged christian band. These people are some of the nicest, loving people i have ever met, never would have dreamed they would have ever offended someone. But now they are the subject of so much hate, so much rage all because they are doing what they feel is right. Christianity aside, isn't that what the metal/hardcore/punk scene about? Doing what you feel is right, wearing your heart on your sleeve, and not being shy about your beliefs? Would it be right for a to the max straight edge band to have one member who parties? It doesn't make sense. Jesus said this would happen though, its just shocking and eye opening to see it so plainly in this present day age.

Fate doesn't care about plans.

I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends tonight. She is moving on thursday, and my feelings never really caught up with me till tonight. I have known her since summer of 6th grade (going into 7th) and have remained great friends since then. We never got to hang out as much as we would want to, we drifted into other circles of friends. She will be missed, but I understand that she has to do what she has to do, and I am happy for her. I knew the day would come when life would start changing (people moving, getting married, etc) but never thought it would be this soon. She has been a huge part of my life, and will continue to be, We mostly had an online friendship anyways, not that that was a bad thing, it just meant every time we hung out it was even better, and now, I have someone to write letters too! She has been there for me through everything i have ever gone through, and I am deeply grateful to her for that. Thanks for being a friend when i needed it, now it is time for me to return the favor as you enter this new season of life!


"I know it's for the best, but sometimes i wonder if i will ever have friends like you again."

I'm sad to say we are lost, and i am embarrased for us all.

I will kill myself with my thoughts. Have you ever felt like you were meant to be alone? I realized I am not happy around most of the people that I have killed myself over for the past couple of years. Sometimes I feel the most happy listening to music, I sometimes feel like musicians are the only friends i will ever need. And I realized last night, I am, for the most part, fine with that.